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Diskborstar i diskhon


Jag: Nå?

Psykologen: Förlåt?

Jag: Fråga nått då.

Psykologen: Vad vill du att jag ska fråga om?

Jag slår demonstrativt ut med armarna. Rörelsen får britsen att gnissla.

Jag: Fuck if I know! De’ e väl fanimej ditt jobb? Att ställa frågor?

Psykologen: Ja, det är en del av mitt jobb.

Jag: ’Amen dåså!

Ett ögonblick av tystnad. Jag börjar att knacka med ena handen på britsen.

Psykologen: Du verkar uppjagad idag.

Jag: Och? E’ de’ något fel med de’? Måste man va’ precis som du hela jävla tiden?

Psykologen: Nej, absolut inte. Jag tyckte bara –

Jag: Åh, tack så mycke’! Tack för att man fucking får leva.

Återigen tystnad. Jag slutar att knacka med handen och lägger armarna i kors istället.

Psykologen: Är det något du vill prata om?

Jag slår åter ut med armarna.

Jag: Seriöst! Ska ja’ göra ditt jobb? De’ e’ väl fan du som ska berätta vad vi ska prata om! Eller har ja’ drömt varför ja’ e’ fucking här?

Psykologen: Nej, du har inte drömt. Och ja, på sätt och vis är det jag som ska berätta vad vi ska prata om. Men jag noterar att du verkar mycket uppjagad –

Jag: Du snackar –

Psykologen: Låt mig prata till punkt! Jag noterar att du verkar mycket uppjagad idag. Du ifrågasätter, du avbryter och du använder svordomar – det är uppenbarligen någonting som besvärar dig. Därför föreslog jag, utifrån min professionella åsikt, att det här var en sak som vi skulle kunna prata om. Men vi kan prata om någonting helt annat också, det här vara bara ett förslag. Däremot behöver vi kunna föra ett normalt samtal för att det här mötet ska vara meningsfullt.

Mer tystnad. Jag har återigen armarna i kors och det hörs ett svagt vinande från ett av fönstren.

Psykologen: Vill du berätta för mig hur din vecka har varit?

Jag: Som vanligt. Inget speciellt.

Psykologen: Du hade en deadline på jobbet? Det var något om en ny funktion som ni skulle implementera?

Jag: De’ va’ ett nytt ramverk. Men ja, de’ gick bra – inga problem.

Psykologen: Och hur har saker varit hemma?

Jag: Åh, du vet – de’ gamla vanliga. Ensamt, tråkigt och enformigt. Men ja’ lägger i alla fall inte diskborstar var fan som helst.

En viss tveksamhet från psykologen. Hen rör sig en aning på stolen och den ger ifrån sig ett knarrande läte.

Psykologen: Diskborstar? Hur menar du?

Jag: Ja? Ja’ slänger inte diskborstar omkring mej som en jävla idiot.

Psykologen: Jag förstår fortfarande inte.

Jag: Meh! Vissa personer lägger diskborstar där dom inte hör hemma. De’ gör inte jag. Okej?

Psykologen: Okej … och det här är något som du stör dig på?

Jag börjar på nytt att knacka med handen. Psykologen väntar tyst.

Jag: Well fuck it – de’ e’ på jobbet.

Psykologen: På jobbet? Lägger de diskborstar på fel ställe på jobbet?

Jag: Ja, dom lägger dom i diskhon. I the fucking jävla diskhon!

Psykologen: Och det här tycker du är konstigt?

Jag: Men vafan, de’ e’ klart! Folk häller ut kaffe i diskhon. Och sköljer sina tallrikar och grejer. Diskborstarna blir hur skabbiga som helst!

Psykologen: Går det inte att lyfta bort diskborstarna innan man häller ut kaffe eller sköljer av en tallrik?

Jag: Shit asså … lägger du diskborsten i diskhon eller?

Psykologen: Nej, det gör jag faktiskt inte. Jag har en liten krok som jag hänger den på.

Jag: ’Amen dåså! Dom e’ idioter.

Psykologen funderar. Jag lyssnar på vinandet från fönstret.

Psykologen: Du har rätt, det är lite konstigt att de lägger diskborstar i diskhon.

Jag: Lite konstigt? De’ e’ en jävla arbetsplats! Varför ska jag behöva plocka upp dom hela jävla tiden?

Psykologen: Jag förstår hur du tänker. Men kan det inte vara så att de inte har tänkt på att andra personer skulle kunna tycka att det är besvärligt? De är kanske vana att lägga diskborsten i diskhon hemma och därför gör likadant på jobbet?

Jag: Och? Inte fan vet jag. Men de’ e’ ett helt oacceptabelt beteende, de’ fattar vem som helst.

Psykologen: Okej, men har du sagt det här till någon? Har du påpekat att du tycker att det är olämpligt att de lägger diskborstarna i diskhon?

Jag: Eh, nej? Självklart inte.

Psykologen: Varför inte? Det är en fullt rimlig sak att berätta för någon. Hur ska de annars förstå att det är någon som stör sig på deras beteende? Tänk om de inte själva förstår att det är helt oacceptabelt?

Jag: Whatever. Kan vi prata om något annat? Du förstår ändå inte.

Psykologen: Vad är det jag inte förstår?

Jag: Äh, glöm det.

Psykologen: Nej, jag vill gärna veta. Jag vill förstå dig.

Jag: Visst. Och säga hur fel jag har.

Psykologen: Nej, jag vill bara förstå dig. Och jag tycker inte att du har fel. Jag tycker kanske att du reagerar en aning starkt, men i grunden har du en poäng. Det är inte särskilt omtänksamt att lägga diskborstar i diskhon på en arbetsplats.

Jag: Whatever. Kan vi prata om något annat?

Psykologen: Ja, det kan vi – men först vill jag att du ska förstå att jag inte tycker att du har fel. Det är okej att tycka att det är jobbigt att behöva flytta bort diskborstarna hela tiden och –

Jag: Fine! Whatever!

Psykologen: … och tycka att det är äckligt när folk häller ut kaffe på dem. Jag skulle säkert också ha reagerat på –

Jag: Men gud! Kan vi fucking prata om något annat? Jag bryr mej inte ens om de’ där!

Jag lägger mig på sidan och tittar bort mot fönstret. Psykologen avvaktar en stund.

Psykologen: Men du sade nyss att du brydde dig?

Jag: Du förstår inte.

Psykologen: Nej, men jag vill verkligen förstå. Snälla, berätta – varför är du så uppjagad över diskborstarna?

Tystnad. Fönstret ger fortfarande ifrån sig ett vinande.

Jag: De’ e’ inte diskborstarna.

Psykologen: Okej?

Jag: Fucking jävla diskborstar. Dom kan vara hur skabbiga som helst, ja’ använder dom ändå inte. Och ja’ kan plocka bort dom när ja’ häller ut kaffe, spela roll.

Jag lägger mig på rygg igen och tittar upp i taket.

Jag: Men ja’ tycker ändå att de’ e’ helt absurt att lägga dom i diskhon – och ja’ e’ den enda som tycker så.

Psykologen: Och det här tycker du är stressande? Att du är den enda som tycker så?

Jag: De’ visar att jag e’ annorlunda. Och ensam.

Psykologen: Jag förstår. Tack för att du berättade.

Vinandet från fönstret ökar i styrka. Jag vänder på huvudet och tittar mot fönstret.

Psykologen: Det kan vara väldigt jobbigt att känna sig annorlunda och ensam.

Jag: Hör du ljudet?

Psykologen: Förlåt?

Jag: Ditt fönster. Det hörs ett vinande.

Psykologen: Ah, det. Ja, jag har tänkt att ordna det där – men det har inte blivit av.

Jag: Jag gillar det. Du borde låta det vara kvar.

Psykologen: Ja, kanske.

Jag: Jag tror att jag vill gå ut i vinden nu.

Psykologen: Men vi är inte riktigt klara än?

Jag: Jo, jag vill gå ut i vinden.

Psykologen: Okej, men jag ville bara kommentera det du sade nu. Du vet, det kan finnas många förklaringar till diskborstarna – och det måste inte betyda att du är annorlunda och ensam. Det kan handla om att olika generationer tänker och reagerar på olika saker. Och det kan vara många som tycker precis som du, men som inte heller säger någonting.

Jag: Jo, du har rätt. Tack.

Psykologen byter position på stolen. Den knarrar.

Psykologen: Känner du dig okej?

Jag: Jadå. Det blir nog bra.

Psykologen: Är du säker? Du vill inte prata mer om det här?

Jag: Jag är säker. Men tack.

En kort tystnad.

Psykologen: Du är alltid välkommen här, det vet du.

Jag: Absolut. Tack.

Jag reser mig upp och går ut från rummet. Ut mot vinandet – där det blåser. Och där det inte finns några diskborstar.

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